January 20, 2001: our long national nightmare of peace and prosperity is finally over.
It's Like if You Were Trying to Write a Good Haiku and All of a Sudden a Million Ghosts of Dead Haiku Masters Show Up and Laugh
It was so easy for me to unleash thousands of words on my favorite topic: making fun of Idaho. Adjectives flowed like unicorn blooded water over precipices of crystalline squirrel bones ... oh fuck that ... I can't do it. It's gone.
Why? Because these hilarious motherfuckers at the debate. I watch these youtubes and roar with laughter until I am in tears. Tears of joy. It's the funniest shit ever. No way can these guys be satirized. They are satire-proof simply by being such douchebillies. Fucking Idaho.
When I first saw the photo of the four of these guys I thought "hey, two closeted guys in suits being introduced to a leather daddy and something really icky daddy convention, and one can hardly imagine the horror they would experience in the dungeon." But nah. Once I watched the video I realized there's no point in a spin or interpretation trying to be humorous. This is perfect art. This is the superabsurd. This is brilliant. Butch Otter, who I find as appealing as an old saddle shat upon by hundreds of diarrheac cowboys and now boiled into shitty leather jerky, was tactically (if not strategically) possessed of a certain type of genius to insist these crackpots be front and center on the stage with Fulcher. Butch comes out looking like a circus ringmaster.
So, I think I'm done here and anywhere else where I once soaked myself in the blood of squirrels, sister-wives, mutant inbred children with single eyes in the middle of their foreheads capable of staring deep into your soul to find your most hidden place of shameful despair, as well as psycho-conflagrate many combustibles with nothing more than a *mad* thought, old Subaru Brats (the official Car-Truck of North Idaho) and so many more stereotypes of a backasswards frontier state.
Because. Because Harley and Walt. Motherfuckers you are golden.
Good luck Idaho. I fear you've collapsed upon yourself in weirdness, like a massive potato-shaped supernova, forming a black hole which sucks. I'm sorry you suck but it's kind of spectacular.