TUBOB's blog

A Brief Imaginary Post-Existential Soliloquy Between Right Wing Political Blowfly, Larry Spencer, and a Cinderblock

Did you know a chimpanzee bites his enemy's testicles off first in a fight? Is this nature's demonstration of Michel Foucault's postsexualism which was influenced by consciously artificial life identities and characterized by the escape of the "confessional" structure of sexuality?

This is my favorite Foucault quote: "People know what they do; frequently they know why they do what they do; but what they don't know is what what they do does."  read more »

Two dialogues of Idaho Republican X-trian white males during the post-apocalyptic invasion using only titles from 50s shows.

Jebediah: African patrol?
Micah: White hunter.
Jebediah: Black saddle?
Micah: The rifleman, gunsmoke, broken arrow.
Jebediah: You asked for it. Mr. Lucky. The californians.
Micah: This is your life.

Jebediah: I love Lucy. I married Joan.
Micah: I've got a secret. Circus boy.
Jebediah: Leave it to beaver. Private secretary.
Micah: Make room for daddy!
Jebediah: Sugarfoot. The untouchables.
Micah: Topper. Meet Mr. McNutley!
Jebediah: Cannonball. Peter Gunn.
Micah: Range rider?
Jebediah: Behind closed doors.

A Brief Imaginary Post-Existential Soliloquy Between Right Wing Political Blowfly, Larry Spencer, and a Kitten Named Torty

Torty, you are a tabby? A tabby is common yet rare. Do my children know you? Do you know who you are, Torty? Charles Baudelaire said "as a small child, I felt in my heart two contradictory feelings, the horror of life and the ecstasy of life." I can relate to that. My mother gave me two things when I turned 12. A .22 varmint rifle and an axe. She said "Larry, it's time to grow up and be a man, babydoll." Torty, I took that rifle all over. I shot squirrels just hear them squeak. Is that sick?  read more »

Ranching Amongst the Wolves

As a long time fifth generation Idaho cattle rancher, and a god-loving Republican and proud NRA member, I'm going to deviate a tad from my rancher brethren and argue in favor of the Idaho Gray Wolf. First of all, you need to know I'm ranchin' the same ranch down here in Idaho's beautiful yet harsh Neanderthal Valley, as four generations of TUBOBs. I know every one of them oak type trees, whatever they are called, growing along the creeks and ridges like the back of my hand.  read more »

How I spent my North Idaho Vacation

As I listen to "Lazy" by "Deep Purple," a song that is highly representative of where I am in week 2 of vacation and also one which renews in me the vigor for the swinging, psychedelic tonal qualities of the Hammond organ, but that's just an unnecessary clause in a long winded explanation of why I'm posting here again after a long period of self imposed exile or whatever it was - perhaps it was a post-concussive staggering and fear from the last election cycle in which the more highly genetically imbued neanderthal-based white people won too fucking much of the power of this sad and beautiful  read more »

New Pithy Phrases/Saying for Upper Left Rail

(seriously, many of those were from the Bush era - time to update, guys)

Most of the time Democrats are right on almost everything, except the best martinis at clubhouses on golf courses.

Jesus wasn't a Democrat because Democrats hadn't been invented yet but he whipped out some serious whoopass on the Republicans changing money in the temple.

I expect that in the bathroom at the White House, there is a hidden room with highly trained animal behaviorists and technicians who immediately enter and capture the unicorns after President Obama has taken a dump.  read more »

Please Vote Today, Idaho, Please Vote!

Although he's certainly drawn plenty of my wrath and disdain, indeed, I find him repellent in many ways, there is no other choice for Idahoans if they even want a small piece of the hope pie. Vote for Walt Minnick today. I know, I know, he's sold out many of his supporters but he's the best we've got here in the Gem state.

Please, put aside the deep seated ideological values that fuel your engine of caring and desire and think pragmatically and if Walt loses today then count on Idaho being plunged, once again, back into the Dark Ages and it's only barely begun to climb out.  read more »

Someone Get Me A Ladder!

This is effing disturbing. So imagine you are a guy and you are standing in a field of flax. I don't actually know what flax is but it sounds fieldish. Anyhow you are standing in a field of flax and a gentle summer breeze warms the rosy cheeks of you and your 50 foot tall girlfriend. You check your watch, has it been 100 minutes?  read more »

Balloon Boy Bides Bad Break in Box

Long time TUBOB readers know I am a big fan of a good hoax having authored a couple myself, including deadly Labradoodle menaces to society and Sarah Palin's Lizards of Satan. But those were in good fun and didn't really hurt too many people. But this shit with Balloon Boy was very uncool. Faking out all of America and causing people to stare at their computer screens at work, stalling out entire networks watching live video, blasting work productivity, but most importantly, freaking our shit out as we watched this runaway foil big mylar party balloon zipping through the sky WITH A LITTLE SCARED SIX YEAR OLD TRAPPED IN IT. Except. He was home in a box hiding where dad told him to hide so they could scam America and get crazed dad the attention he so obviously craves. They've appeared TWICE on Wife Swap, a truly execrable TV show if I've ever seen one, and they gallivant off storm chasing - dragging their kids into tornadoes. What shits for parents.  read more »

Imagine There's No Teabaggers, It's Easy If You Try

President Barack Obama wins the Nobel Peace Prize, a talking Unicorn and three hovering Archangels announced today in Oslo, Norway.  He is now the third sitting president, along with Teddy Roosevelt and Woodrow Wilson, to bag one. The controversial part, and the one that will set teabagger heads exploding all over America is the fact he'd only been in office two weeks before the Feb 1 deadline. So, it's not like he'd accomplished, you know, a lot. But he had one very very important peace-resounding thing going for him - he was replacing those fuckshit war mongering hatecraps Chimpy McStupid and Uncle Evil. I think the Nobel Peace Prize Committee (and the rest of the civilized world) was so relieved that those two demons were being sent back to hell that they just got all, like, excited!  Well, good for you Prez, now let's live up to this awesome and inspiring award and get our boys and girls the hell out of Iraq and Afghanistan.  Time to close the book on this hellishly vile and deeply evil chapter in our history. No more killing.



My Nominee for Scumbag Piece of Shit of the Week

This fucking asshole who used a motorized parachute get up to shoot at wolves from the sky with a shotgun.

Carl Ball, a sheep rancher, was flying his aircraft June 5 near St.
Anthony above a 160-acre sheep pen when he saw at least four wolves,
according to an Idaho Department of Fish and Game law enforcement
report obtained Thursday by The Associated Press.

Ball reported
he shot at the wolves after they'd already left the pen and said he
believed one animal outfitted with a radio collar had been killed,
though state and federal wildlife officials who arrived hours later
never found a wolf carcass.

Umm, dumbass? Why are you trying to ranch sheep in wolf country? Duh. Hope next time you go up you end up crashing your motorized parachute down into a gully and get eaten alive by coyotes. You're not good enough for death by wolves, shithead.

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